Dude, Are you Serious?

By: KatinkaD

Photo credit: Karina Bavery

If you live with an extended family member, I am pretty sure you have come across one of two scenarios. Maybe both. One, where they act like a helicopter always hovering nearby. Constantly asking about the kids whereabouts or if the kids are okay. Even if the kids are with you or their other caregiver. Sometimes, the individual will bounce from one to another asking if they are okay including the dogs. The other scenario is where they are almost non-existent or choose to not hover during certain moments. Of course, most of the time, the space is appreciated. However when you have one or more crying littles, barking dogs, and trying to get something done, like dinner…seriously, dude? Now you choose to stay away?

In the post-pandemic era where more and more individuals are working remotely whether full-time or part-time, it seems it has become more and more of a thing for those who live with extended family members, to experience the frequent interruptions, disagreements, challenges for parental “control” over the human and other littles, and/or the constant struggle for dominance. Who is the one to rule the domain?

Those who have read the previous post know of some of the struggles I have and continue to experience with living with my in-law. I have seen this pattern with my own mother as well whom my sister and her family live with. I have seen it among close friends who live with another family member of some sort even if it is a cousin, aunt, uncle, and/or grandparent.

If the kids are fine and taken care of and the pets are fine and taken care of, then who can the hovering family member fuss over? Funny enough, I have also seen the hovering transition from one person to another until the person eventually makes it to the one family member that literally does not have a “voice” in the home, our family pets.

There is a frustration that comes from witnessing constantly play out and almost a feeling of being lost in not knowing how to navigate or help the person. Helping the person in finding something to occupy their attention so it will not disrupt the flow around them. It can be something like a hobby, a craft, a project to focus on and engage in some form of self-care that hopefully will not disrupt the calm? How can we do that without appearing to be pushy or nagging about the disruption they are causing?