Oh, the In-Laws
Where do we begin? An idea that had started this series was the complexities of living with extended family members. Since before the pandemic and after, there seems to have been a shift in more families living together. Whether it is under the same roof or on the same property, we are seeing extended families living together. So, where do we actually begin? The beginning. The beginning of the idea that kicked off this , hopefully, helpful blog.
A little history about my current living arrangement. My MIL moved in with us after having lived with her first son for a good amount of years. There was a lot of tension when she initially moved in as to who was and would be, the alpha female. The therapist I was seeing at the time even warned me to be mindful of the dynamics between my husband and his mother reverting back to parent-child like when he was little as opposed to a mother now living with her son and his wife. There were a lot of passive-aggressive moments, passive moments, and some outright, mean moments. Naturally, the balance in my home with my husband and puppies was thrown off and we all had to find a way to make things work.
There is one particular incident I call “Soup versus Chilaquiles” and it started with a plan for dinner agreed by all the previous night, was that I was going to prepare chilaquiles for dinner. Now, if you have no idea what chilaquiles are, YouTube it! It’s a Mexican dish of tortillas, onions, and salsa topped with cheese. My absolute favorite comfort dish. Anyways, as I was saying. The plan on this particular evening was that I was going to make this delicious dish for dinner. When I got home, someone had made soup. The pot was still on actually when I got in the door. No big deal, right? Chilaquiles can wait until the following day and one less thing for anyone to plan or prepare for as it was already done.
Well, apparently not everyone agreed with me. My MIL threw a fit. It became a verbal argument and it seemed that no matter how much I tried to explain that it was okay to have soup for dinner so that it doesn’t go to waste and it was already made, the other plan could wait. Deep breaths. As she continued to ask why I was not going to make chilaquiles because it was what she wanted, it seemed like she would not listen or refused to listen to my reasoning. More deep breaths. Internally, in my mind, the question was on repeat. Are we seriously arguing over soup and chilaquiles? Is this seriously taking place? And where is my HUSBAND? No, seriously, where is this guy? The argument ended with her stomping her foot, saying “just make the damn chilaquiles” before storming out of the kitchen. Me, still standing in the kitchen thinking about what just happened.
So what really happened there? Was the fight really over what was going to be eaten or made? Was the fight really about chilaquiles? Not going to lie, I went to my room to change as I was still in work attire and just let the tears out. The salty tears that had been held back for so long from having to deal with the new adjustment just poured out. Along with the tears, the realization that the argument, the fight that had just taken place, was a fight of dominance. A fight of who indeed is the Lady of the House.
Wait! Did I just fight for my place in my husband’s life as the main woman in his life? Mind blown! Okay, more deep breaths. What do I do with this realization? Where do I go from here?
Seriously though, what do you do when you have such a deep, profound realization and moment of empowerment? What do you do with the emotions? Who do you reach out to for understanding? For support? For validation?